Coping With Academic Guilt

I know I only spent three weeks immersed in the world of a graduate student. However, in those short three weeks, I know I was slowly being indoctrinated into the graduate-student-life cult.  I was working those ridiculous, unhealthy hours, and feeling terrible if I did anything for myself. I even felt guilty one day that I took twenty minutes off to bake a loaf of banana bread.

I'm still dueling with that guilt even now that I've left the university. I've been managing battling it fairly well by crocheting, knitting, talking to my fiance, and packing up my apartment. Crocheting and packing keep me moving and busy, while leaving me something tangible for my efforts.  And talking to my fiance is always the best part of my day, no matter what. He's the love of my life, and I have no idea what I'd do without him.

There are some occasions that have arisen recently that have derailed my coping mechanisms greatly though...



First, I found out that a family member is apparently not taking the news of my leaving the university well.  Which would be all fine and dandy, they are entitled to their own opinion of course. But, they have been making statements, which have made their way back to me, that my leaving the university is a result of my mother raising me to be completely dependent on her, thus making my mother a terrible parent. 

I am in no way completely dependent on my mom. In March, I told her three days in advance of me packing a suitcase, tossing it in the back of my car, and driving 900 miles to Virginia to live with my fiance. Do I like having my mom take care of things for me when she can? Of course. But that doesn't mean I'm not capable of living on my own and taking care of myself. I personally think this family member should take a look at their own kids, because while they certainly aren't complete failures at life, they're definitely not any better off, barely scraping by. And they are 10+ years older than I am.

The second incident came, of course, from my father. He called to discuss my 30-days-notice letter that I'm leaving the apartment complex. And he told me he "hopes I learned a good, expensive lesson" from this trip to hell I'm living through. Because it was totally my fault the university made an error and refused to own up to it, right?

I told him the only thing I learned was that my future children will be highly encouraged to attend private universities.  And apparently he thinks I know nothing about private universities, even though I attended two for undergraduate (one I withdrew from because they were inflexible to my desires to excel, and the other I graduated from with high honors).

It would be so much easier to deal with academic guilt if the people who were supposed to support me through anything because they are family would not see this as a failure.